'I wish someone had told me the relationship with my teacher was not my fault'

Sophie has always cursed the teacher who seduced then abused her when she was a schoolgirl. But she did not realise he had done anything potentially illegal until she read about the case of 15-year-old Megan Stammers, who was found and taken into protective care on Friday after fleeing to France with her married maths teacher, who was arrested. Now Sophie is contemplating calling the police. In Sophie's case, the teacher is still teaching teenage girls at a prestigious private school a few miles from her house. She, on the other hand, struggles every day to cope with the effects his violence and oppression had on her teenage self.

"He ruined me, sexually, emotionally and in every other way possible," she says. "I was naive and innocent, and he was perverse. The sex was aggressive and sickening, but I was infatuated: he was this older man. All the girls fancied him. I'll be honest: we were all after him.
"He told me he was in love with me, but then he crushed me until I was a complete emotional wreck. He was obsessively possessive and I was completely under his thumb. I had been this bubbly, strong and independent teenager. He destroyed me."
When Sophie first saw the reports about Stammers and her 30-year-old teacher, Jeremy Forrest, it brought back strong feelings. Then, to her surprise, she felt relief. "I have realised, for the first time, that my teacher was a sexual predator," she says. "In one way, it makes me feel less mad for having suffered so much over something that happened so long ago, and for not having been able to get my life back together since.
"But," she adds, "it can't heal me or change the consequences. Most of my relationships since then have been really awful and violent. I can't trust men in positions of authority. I was predicted four A-grades at A-level and had great plans for university. But I dropped out of education and have never come to anything. It all started with him. If he had not done what he did to me when I was too young to know what was going on, my life now would be very different."
The teacher was 25 when he seduced Sophie, a 17-year-old student, in 1992. He was her form tutor. The relationship was intense: her parents knew about it and she frequently stayed at his house. But they had to keep it a secret in school. "We'd ignore each other during the day," says Sophie. He dumped her nine days before her A-levels – and then invigilated at her exams. Sophie didn't achieve anything like the grades she had been predicted but still got into university.
Then he rekindled the relationship. When it ended a second time, she fell apart, dropping out of university and into a life of chaos and self-destruction. "He broke me," she says. "But now I've read that he did do something genuinely wrong in the eyes of the law. All these years later, he still deserves to be punished for what he did, doesn't he? Is it my responsibility to try to protect the girls at the school he's now teaching at?"
Sophie, however, will not be able to see her abuser prosecuted for what he did. The Sexual Offences Act 2003 made it an offence for a person over 18 in a position of trust to have a sexual relationship with a child under 18, regardless of whether the relationship is consensual and even if the person does not teach the child. Prior to that act, the age of consent – 16 – was the only issue.
Teaching unions claim pupil-teacher affairs are "very rare". Between 1991 and 2008, 129 teachers were prosecuted for relationships with pupils, according to reports. But a 2007 YouGov survey of 2,200 adults said one in six knew of someone who had had an "intimate relationship" with a teacher while at school.
One school has dealt with no fewer than five incidents. When, in 2009, Christopher Reen, 31, a classroom supervisor at Headlands school in Bridlington, was jailed for three years and four months after admitting six counts of sexual activity with a 15-year-old female pupil, it emerged that four former staff at the same school had faced the courts in recent years over inappropriate sexual conduct.
Hollie was raped and exploited by her teacher. There has never been a prosecution. She has, however, fought for years to get him struck off the teachers' register – something she finally achieved in August this year. "Three years ago I started trying to put right something that happened between 1999 and 2001, while I was a pupil at a school in remote Scotland," she says. "Between the ages of 15 and 17, I was groomed – though there wasn't a word for it then – and entered into a relationship with my 40-year-old male religious studies teacher. The relationship became nasty, violent, obsessive and physically and sexually abusive."
Hollie's parents eventually found out about the relationship. It took just one conversation for them to make her realise she had been manipulated and abused. "We reported him to the police, the school, the education department, the council and the General Teaching Council for Scotland," says Hollie. "They all received a full report from me detailing the extent of what had happened. I moved to England where I was originally from. No one from these organisations contacted me. I was a mess and couldn't go through with prosecution, but I always stuck to my story. They all knew what the allegations were, but none of them did anything to investigate. Everything was brushed under the carpet. The teacher moved and continued teaching in a different part of Scotland."
Hollie had a complete breakdown. "I literally believed I was worthless," she said. "I got into some not particularly healthy relationships and had problems with alcohol and self-harm."
Three years ago, Hollie found the courage to address what had happened. The police investigated for more than a year and ultimately charged the teacher with, she thinks, rape and assault. "But they were unable to prosecute because of Scotland's laws about corroboratory evidence and the accused's right to silence," says Hollie. "The teacher sat through a six-hour interview, replying 'No comment' to every question."
The legal case was also complicated because although it is now illegal for a teacher to have a relationship with a pupil, their relationship began eight weeks before the date this law came into effect. "So they couldn't prosecute him for that," she says. Nevertheless, the teacher was suspended by the council in April 2010 and finally struck off the teaching register last month. "He has been put on to the list of those barred from working with children as a result of my evidence and the police investigation," says Hollie.
"It hurts more, the older I get," she says. "The closer I get to the age he was, the more I realise how awful it was, what he did. I see how he manipulated my 15-year-old self and I realise how someone of my age would know, absolutely, that it was completely wrong and inappropriate to get into a relationship with someone of that age.
"I wish that someone had told me, when I was 15, that if the teacher in question really loved me, he would never act on it. And I wish someone had told me that it was never, ever my fault."
Professor Pat Sikes of the University of Sheffield has studied pupil and teacher relationships, and challenges the notion that girls are necessarily powerless or exploited in them, pointing out that a significant proportion end up marrying or living together in an enduring and solid relationship.
She should know: Sikes first fell in love with her husband when she was 14 and he was her 22-year-old teacher. Their sexual relationship, however, did not begin until he left the school when she was 16. While stressing that girls need to be protected against predatory male teachers, her study concludes that this should not be "through blanket laws that have the effect of making all women into weak, potential victims".
Others describe relationships with teachers that were on the cusp of inappropriate and caused parents and other teachers concern – but were ultimately a positive experience.
Sapphire had an intense, albeit non-sexual, relationship with her maths teacher between the ages of 13 and 18. "I don't tell people about our relationship because, looked at through the eyes of someone who wasn't there, it sounds like a clear-cut case of, at best, weirdness and at worst, manipulation and near-abuse," she says. "In fact, that wasn't the case at all."
Sapphire's relationship with her teacher grew during their one-to-one, after-school classes. "I was weak in maths and he took it upon himself to teach me so well that I went on to study it at A-level," she says. "After those lessons, we would talk about all sorts of intellectual and creative things. From him, I learned that the opposite sex could be gentle, empathetic, clever, interesting and interested. I never had the slightest interest in boys of my own age because, by comparison, they were sexually crass, emotionally unreliable and intellectually dull. To this day, I'm grateful for that."
As Sapphire got older, however, the teacher became more intense. He prevented her leaving his class when her grades improved enough to move into a higher set, insisting that he would tutor her himself to pass the exams. "I began to find it all a bit overwhelming, and backed off," she remembers. "There was a parents' evening around then and my dad picked up on the atmosphere between us. He joked about it afterwards, saying it was like we'd had a lover's tiff. I think my parents were a bit confused by it all. They knew nothing explicitly wrong was going on and so they didn't quite know what do to about it."
Soon afterwards, however, Sapphire's mother insisted she move to a different class. "There were rumours in the staffroom about us and my teacher was warned to back off," she says. "He did as he was told, but I missed him. He was a really important part of my life." She started going back to his classroom after school once a week. "We just talked," she says. As she neared 18, however, the relationship shifted. She began to grow away from him and he became neurotic and, she says, "slightly stalkerish".
"I got the impression that things were nearing a climax. I had the definite feeling that he was expecting something to happen after so many years of what I began to suspect was what he thought of as having 'waited'. I found the thought of him waiting really creepy and realised I had potentially got into something I hadn't genuinely understood," she says.
He sent Sapphire 18 red roses on her birthday and appeared at her class's leaving party. "My friends formed a protective ring around me and every time he came near, they spirited me away," she says. She left school and never saw him again. Two decades on, she feels fondness and sadness for him. "I think he was a vulnerable man," she said. "I vaguely worry that he remembers our relationship with pain. I hope he doesn't."
Katherine has even fonder memories of her relationship with a teacher. She was 15 when Tom came to teach at her girls' school. She moved to a sixth-form college at 16. A week later, Tom asked her out on a date. "There weren't many male teachers at our school so we were all very aware of this 23-year-old new staff member," says Katherine. "He never taught me, but all my friends fancied him. I wasn't particuarly taken by him until we went for that drink."
Two years after their first date, they were married. They had two children and the marriage lasted for 30 years, until 2002, when Tom died.
Katherine says laws that prevent teachers and pupils having relationships are correct. "He must have been noticing me when I was still a pupil at his school, but we occasionally said to each other how lucky it was that he was no longer my teacher," she says. "Had I stayed at that school, nothing would ever have happened between us because that would have been completely wrong."
Some of the teachers at her old school, however, continued to disapprove of the relationship, refusing to go to their wedding. "Their reaction was a complete surprise to me and meant nothing. I wasn't dazzled by Tom. I suppose I was flattered at first, because he was a teacher and an older man – but only for that first date," she says.
"Our relationship was completely normal. Completely ordinary."
Some names have been changed.

I was 32 when I met the love of my life. She was 92

“Despite the age difference between us, I would forget every day that she was what others considered ‘old’”

I remember the first time we met. I listened to the wheels of her walker rolling down the old carpet of her 1970s redwood bungalow and, moments later, rounding the corner was a spiffy 92-year-old woman who stood up straight, scanned the room like a curious little bunny rabbit, and settled on the new guy: “And you must be Gregor”. She said it with the most delightfully lilting Viennese accent I’d ever heard. It was love at first sentence, something I never thought existed.

I was 32 at the time, and an actor. A friend convinced me to interview for a job as caregiver to an elderly woman named Maria Altmann (played by Helen Mirren in the upcoming biopic Woman in Gold). I wasn’t excited about the idea in general - the only time I would ever even consider being a caregiver was to play one on TV. But I went along anyway and was nervous about it. I don’t know. Maybe the deepest part of me sensed something big was about to happen.

She wore a colorful silk scarf, a green cashmere sweater and bright white trousers that day. I’d never seen someone so elegant, yet there was something childlike about her too. She had an insatiable curiosity about everything. We sat down together as if we were the only two people in the room. And she listened to me not with her ears but with her heart. On that morning my life changed, and believe me, I don’t just let any girl sweep me off my feet.

I set everything aside for the next three years until her death, the first of someone I truly loved in my entire life. Our connection was immediate. It was like we had met in another life. Despite the age difference between us, I would daily forget she was what others may consider old. We both felt like we were in our 20s, and we would admit that to each other regularly, without it ever getting uncomfortable. It was just perfectly magical.

My friends were really supportive and were all eager to meet her. I was very selective about who I introduced her to, though. It was like I was taking them to meet my new girlfriend, and all the butterflies that come with that. The last thing I wanted was for a woman with such gentility, who in many ways saw me as perfect, to see me with a bunch of goons. 

In the beginning, it concerned me that someone might think our uncommon bond was weird or inappropriate, but it wasn’t even remotely the case. Because anyone who knew our relationship understood it, and her family was thankful that their mother had someone like me that made her happy. 

Maria really meant everything to me. I said to her once: “Maria, you’re like a mother, a grandmother, and a friend to me.” And she responded: “What about a mistress?” We laughed together all day about these kinds of things. There’s no doubt we looked at each other romantically, but not in a physical sense. We were soul mates. Supernatural lovers, if you will.

Over the next three years Maria introduced me to a whole new world of art, music and culture, regaling me with incredible stories of her charmed childhood growing up in the preeminent Bloch-Bauer family in Vienna. She told about her harrowing escape from the Nazis in 1938 with her husband, their migration to Los Angeles in 1942, and the epic Supreme Court case to recover her uncle’s paintings by Gustav Klimt. Many anecdotes she told me were filled with details you could never find in history books.

Not only did I grow by being exposed to this world of culture, but my relationship with Maria also led me to ask myself difficult questions about life, the pursuit of my dreams and what my future would hold. The most difficult questions were: Why do I love this woman so much? Why does she love me? I struggled a great deal with the second one.

In my eyes I didn’t do anything to deserve her love. But she saw things in me I never saw in myself. Like she’d always say: “You’re so elegant.” No one had ever called me that, especially someone who actually was the very definition of the word. 

Maria died on 7 February, 2011. I stood there and watched her take her last breaths.

I didn’t want Maria before I met her, but I needed her once I did. We were exactly what we both needed. At the funeral her daughter Margie came up to me and said: “You were the last great love of my mother’s life.” To hear it said aloud from a family member brought tears of gratitude, and humility - that I had the chance to make someone’s last three years on earth a pleasure. Since I met Maria I’ve done some of the best creative work of my life. She guides me in everything I do. True love never ends.

khidki wali sheet

read it..feel it..like it..

@@khidki wali sheet@@

Aage se tisra bench hmara tha..

mera or meri saheli radha ka tha.

college ka phla saal tha..or radha mujhse do din phle admission le chuki thi..

to khidki wali sheet ki malkin ban gai..
m jaha thi waha khush thi,kyuki radha meri sbse acchi dost thi ..
mgr uska ek purza dhila tha ..mere hisab se.???
Hr wqt khayalo me rhna…
padhai ka fikr nai,bs hr wqt khidki se bahar khali asman ki trf dekhti rhti..
na jane kya milta tha use asman me..
kbi akeli muskura leti..????
jb bhi naraz hote the to m phle sory bolti thi,glti chahe koi kre…

mgr mere sory bolne se phle usko khidki ke bahar parinde udte dikh
jate to mujhe jldi se sory bolkr parinde dikhati..
use sory se lena dena nai hota tha..
use to bs parinde dikhane hote the..
Or dikhakr fir muh chuhiya sa kr leti…
wo mujhe apne dil ki hr bat batati thi…
use muhbbt ho gai thi collage me ate hi..
abhi thik se mahina bhi nai hua tha hm logo ko…
fir bhi use ho gai..
kher ab ho gai to ho gai..
collage me ek ldka tha hmari hi class me..
ravi nam tha uska..
Sql ka bhi thik tha or radha use bahut psnd krti thi..
dono milte the..
ghumte the sath…
or class me to pucho hi mt????
m diwar m thi beech me…
mgr bolne wali..??.
kbi iski usko pahunchao???
fir uska isko jvab do….
radha jb khali wqt me uski bate batati to yu lgta ki ye bavli ho gai h
uske pyar me..
na jaat na paat..na or khuch..
Khti ki ravi ke bina mr skti hu mgr ji nai skti…??
mgr ravi vesa nai tha..jesa radha smjhti thi…
ye m ab kh rahi hu.???
mgr muhbbt me sb suhane lgte h..
chahe din ho,chahe insan…
mgr acche dino ki buri bat ye h ki wo chle jate h..??
dusra saal ate ate ravi or radha muhbbt me kafi age ja chuke the..
m kahi na kahi janti thi mgr jikr kisi se nai kiya..
jesa radha khti m man leti..
radha ko malum tha ki uske papa use mar denge mgr esi shadi nai krne
denge jo unke smaz ke khilaf ho..
isi dar se ek din dono ghr se bhag gye..
radha ghr se 20000 hzar rupye or kuch ghne lekr gayi or ravi ka mujhe
pata nai…????
kiraya bhi tha uske pas ya nai…
Go to hell????
sbko sdma lga tha ki radha ghr se bhag gai…
mujhe bhi…??
m ye janti thi ki bavli h mgr itni.???
ye nai janti thi…
sb apne apne riste ke mutabik rote the use….
koi jyada koi km……
talash zari thi…
mgr radha nai mili…
din to rukte nai..
collage pura ho gya..
meri shadi ho gayi…
do saal guzar gye…
pichle dino mayke gyi thi m..
to sunne ko mila ki ravi ki shadi ho rahi h..
mujhe dhkka lga…
Bdi mushkil se ravi se milne gyi.??
kyuki ab kisi purane dost se milne ke mayne bdl chuke h…
Mgr us ravi ne sidhe muh bat bhi nai ki….???
khta h mujhe kya malum???
m to puna gya tha pdhne ke liye…??
kyu mrva rahi ho mujhe?.??
m kisi radha ko nai janta…???
M apna sa muh lekr wapas aa gayi..
Or kya krti….
or ab apni jindgi se khus hu..
shukr mnati hu ki shiv mujhe bhga kr nai le gya..
kyuki wo janta tha ki sahi kya h mere liye…??
M usse door sahi pr wo mere dil me h…meri adhuri muhbbt bnkr……
mgr jb bhi ghr ki khidki me se parinde udte dekhti hu to radha yad aa jati h..
pata nai kaha gayi wo……

4 signs he wants to get dirty tonight

इशारों से समझें क्या चाहते हैं मर्द

वो कहते हैं ना कि कई बार आपकी जुबान से ज्यादा आपकी आंखें बोलतीं हैं. या यूं कहें कि कई बार जुबान के कहे गए शब्दों से ज्यादा हमारे द्वारा किए गए इशारे बहुत कुछ कह जाते हैं. कुछ ऐसा ही होता है आपके पतियों के साथ भी. कई बार मर्द खुले तौर पर वो नहीं कह पाते जो वो कहना चाहते हैं या जो उनके मन में होता है. ऐसे में वो अपने साथी को कुछ ऐसे इशारे देते हैं जिससे उनकी मन की बात को समझा जा सकता है. हम आपको बताते हैं कि वो ऐसे कौन से इशारे हैं जिसे देखकर आप अपने पतियों के मन की बात जान सकती हैं.
आंखों में छुपी होती हैं कई बातें
जब कई बार दिमाग में कुछ बातें चल रही होती हैं तो वो आंखों से बयां होने लगती हैं. इसलिए महिलाओं को अपने पति की आंखों को पढ़ने की कोशिश करनी चाहिए. इससे आप पता लगा सकती हैं कि आपके पति के दिमाग में क्या चल रहा है. ऐसा माना गया है कि मर्द सबसे पहले अपनी आंखो से अपनी नीयत को जताने की कोशिश करते हैं.

सफाई भी जरूरी है
ये मानी गई बात है कि अच्छी खुशबू मर्द को आपकी तरफ आकर्षित करती है. ऐसे में आपको इस बात का ख्याल रखना होगा कि आपके पति को कब कैसी खुशबू पंसद आती है. शाम को और रंगीन बनाने के लिए कोशिश करें कि आप किसी ऐसे परफ्यूम का इस्तेमाल करें जो आपके पति को पसंद हो. साफ सफाई का भी खास ख्याल रखें.

बहाने से छूने की कोशिश 
इस दौरान कई बार आपके पति आपको बहने से छूने की कोशिश करते हैं. अगर आपके पति आपको प्यार से छूते हैं, आपके चेहरे पर थपकी देते हैं या फिर कोमल अंगो को छूने की कोशिश करते हैं तो ये समझ लीजिए कि उनका मन किस ओर इशारे कर रहा है. अगर वो इस आपसे दौरान सिर मालिश करने के लिए कहते हैं तो ये भी आपके लिए एक इशारा है.

अगर आपके काम में मदद करने लगें
आपके पति किसी दिन अचानक आपके मन मुताबिक काम करने लगे. आपके घरेलू काम में आपकी मदद करने लगे या फिर आपके साथ बैठकर आपका फेवरेट सीरियल देखने लगे तो समझिए कि आपके पति आज कुछ अलग करने के मूड में हैं.

often women understand his follow men sex aspire just as friendship

महिलाओं का ध्यान मित्रता पर, पुरुषों का सेक्स पर

क्या आप कभी ऐसे मौके से गुजरे हैं, जब आपके मित्र की सोच आपकी दोस्ती से हटकर कुछ ओर ही हुई हो. जैसे जब आपके मित्रवत व्यवहार को सेक्स की ख्वाहिश जाहिर करने के रूप में लिया गया हो? एक रोचक अध्ययन में पता चला है कि जहां ज्यादातर महिलाओं का मानना है कि साथी पुरुष उनके मित्रवत व्यवहार को सेक्स के संकेत के रूप में लेते हैं, वहीं पुरुषों का मानना है कि महिलाएं अक्सर पुरुषों की सेक्स की ख्वाहिश को मित्रता समझ बैठती हैं.

नॉर्वे साइंस एंड टेक्नोलॉजिकल यूनिवर्सिटी (एनटीएनयू) के रिसर्चर मोन्स बेंडिक्जेन ने कहा है कि अगर विकास के नजरिए से देखा जाए तो रिसर्च के फैसले चौंकाने वाले नहीं हैं. रिसर्च टीम ने 308 प्रतिभागियों के साथ यह अध्ययन किया, जिनकी उम्र 18 वर्ष से 30 वर्ष के बीच थी. उनमें में 59 फीसदी महिलाएं थीं. रिसर्च के मुताबिक पुरुषों और महिलाओं ने पाया गया कि उनके विपरीत लिंगी साथियों ने उनकी दोस्ती का गलत मतलब निकाला.

रिसर्च मैग्जीन 'इवोल्यूशनरी साइकोलॉजी' में प्रकाशित रिसर्च के मुताबिक महिला प्रतिभागियों ने कहा कि उन्होंने जब अपने किसी पुरुष साथी के लिए मित्रवत व्यवहार दिखाया तो पिछले एक साल के दौरान तकरीबन 3.5 बार उसका सेक्स की ख्वाहिश होने का मतलब निकाला गया.

पुरुषों ने भी साथी महिलाओं से इसी तरह की परेशानी जाहिर की, हालांकि पुरुषों के मामले में इसका प्रतिशत कम रहा. रिसर्चर के मुताबिक अगर विकासवादी मनोविज्ञान के नजरिए से देखा जाए तो इसे ज्यादा अच्छी तरह समझा जा सकता है कि अक्सर पुरुष क्यों महिला साथियों से बातचीत के दौरान मुस्कुराने और हंसने को सेक्स की इच्छा व्यक्त करने के रूप में ले लेते हैं.

बेंडिक्जेन इसे स्पष्ट करते हैं कि एक पुरुष की संतानोत्पत्ति की क्षमता इस बात पर निर्भर करती है कि वह कितनी महिलाओं को गर्भवती करने की क्षमता रखता है. इस तरह पुरुषों के लिए सेक्स का मामला कहीं कम जोखिम वाला हो जाता है और किसी महिला के साथ सेक्स उसके लिए किसी अवसर की तरह होता है.

लेकिन महिलाओं के मामले में ऐसा नहीं है. महिलाओं के लिए इस तरह का संबंध अधिक जोखिम भरा रहता है, क्योंकि उसके सामने गर्भवती होने, बच्चा पैदा करने, उनका पालन-पोषण करने का जोखिम हो सकता है और साथ ही दूसरे पुरुष के साथ सेक्स करके बच्चे पैदा करने का अवसर कम करने वाला होता है.

first love is not easy to forget

पहले प्यार को भूलना नहीं आसान

एक अध्ययन में पता चला है कि अपने पहले प्यार को भूलना आसान नहीं है. अध्ययन के मुताबिक एक तिहाई से ज्यादा ब्रिटिश लोगों का कहना है कि वे अब भी अपने पहले प्यार के लिए संवेदनशील हैं. दरअसल प्रति चार में से एक ब्रिटिश नागरिक फेसबुक के माध्यम से अपने पहले प्यार के संपर्क में हैं.

अध्ययन में पता चला कि हर 10 में से छह ब्रिटिश अपने पहले प्यार को याद करते है, जबकि 10 में से चार ने माना कि वे अब भी अपने पहले प्रेमी/प्रमिका को ढूंढ रहे हैं. दरअसल यह सर्वेक्षण फिल्म 'बेस्ट ऑफ मी' के लिए आयोजित किया गया था, जिसकी कहानी एक ऐसे प्रेमी युगल के बारे में है, जो बिछड़ने के बाद दोबारा अपने रिश्ते को एक मौका देते हैं.

फिल्म के एक प्रवक्ता ने कहा कि ज्यादातर लोग अपने कई असफल रिश्तों में से अपने पहले प्यार को ही याद किया करते हैं.

हालांकि अपने पहले प्यार के संपर्क में रहने वाले 20 फीसदी लोग अच्छे दोस्त बन चुके होते हैं, जबकि एक तिहाई लोगों में यह भी देखा गया है कि उनके मौजूदा जीवनसाथी को उनके पहले प्यार और उनके साथ रिश्ता बरकरार रखने के बारे में जानकारी नहीं होती है.

5 common causes of wifes doubt

इन 5 बातों से पत्नी को होता है पति पर शक...

वैसे तो पति-पत्नी के बीच का रिश्ता विश्वास की मजबूत डोर से बंधा होता है. पर कई बार कुछ बेहद मामूली बातों से भी पत्नी को अपने पति पर शक होने लगता है. आगे कुछ वैसे ही काम या व्यवहार की चर्चा की गई है...

1. मोबाइल लेकर ज्यादा वक्त बिताना
कोई शख्स अगर मोबाइल पर ज्यादा बातें करता है या Whatsapp आदि को लेकर ज्यादा एक्ट‍िव रहता है, तो ऐसे में पत्नी को शक होने की आशंका बढ़ जाती है. कुछ महिलाओं का तो यहां तक मानना है कि उनके पति जब मोबाइल पर चुपचाप ज्यादा वक्त बिताते हैं, तो उन्हें शक होता है, भले ही वे कैंडी क्रश ही क्यों न खेल रहे हों.

2. ड्यूटी खत्म होने पर भी देर से घर आना
ड्यूटी खत्म होने के बाद भी जो शख्स काफी देर से घर पहुंचते हैं, वे शक के घेरे में आ सकते हैं. ऐसे में पत्नी को शक होता है कि आख‍िर जनाब कहां से आ रहे हैं.

3. ऑफिश‍ियल ट्र‍िप पर जाने की बात
अगर कोई शख्स यह कहता है कि उसे ऑफिश‍ियल ट्र‍िप पर शहर से बाहर जाना है, तो वह जाने-अनजाने अपनी पत्नी में मन में शक-सुबहा के बीज बो रहा होता है. ऐसे में कई बार महिलाएं अपने पति के साथ-साथ चलने की जिद तक करने लगती हैं.

4. ज्यादा केयर करने पर भी शक
कई बार जब लोग अचानक अपनी पत्नी से ज्यादा मीठी-मीठी बातें करने लगते हैं या जरूरत से ज्यादा केयर करने लगते हैं, तो भी उनकी पत्नी के दिमाग की घंटी बजने लगती है. वे सोचती हैं कि आख‍िर मजरा क्या है, कहीं कुछ गड़बड़ तो नहीं?

5. सज-संवरकर बाहर जाना
अगर पतिदेव अकेले घर से बाहर पांव निकालने से पहले खूब सजते-संवरते हैं, डियो-परफ्यूम का भरपूर इस्तेमाल करते हैं, तो उनकी अर्धांगिनी को शक हो सकता है.

दरअसल, शक चीज ही ऐसी है. न जाने किसे, कब और कहां गिरफ्त में ले ले. कहते हैं न कि शक का इलाज तो हकीम लुकमान के पास भी नहीं था...

how to know the difference between love and attraction

अाप ताे करती हैं प्यार लेकिन वो करता है सिर्फ पसंद

 'क्या तुमने कभी किसी से प्यार किया? कभी किसी को दिल दिया? पर फिर भी प्यार एकतरफा होकर रह गया. कुछ होते हैं ऐसे भी जो कमिटमेंट के इस खेल में उतरने से कतराते हैं. सिंगल रहना आजादी का सिंबल जो बन चुका है. लेकिन सिंगल रहने की इस दौड़ में ज्यादातर लड़के ही नजर आते हैं. डेटिंग के दौरान लडकियां ज्यादा जल्दी कमिटमेंट दिखाती हैं, लेकिन लड़के कन्फ्यूजन में फंसे रहते हैं.
कमिटमेंट से दूर भागते लड़कों को पहचानने में लड़कियों को कोई खास मशक्कत नहीं करनी होती. कुछ खास बातों पर गौर करने से आप अंदाजा लगा सकती हैं कि लड़का कमिटमेंट नहीं चाहता है, जैसे:

1. वो ऑफिशियली आपको अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड बनाने से कतराता है.
2. वो बार बार यही जिक्र करता है कि उसका काम उसके लिए जरूरी है और उसे अपने करियर पर फोकस करना है.
3. वो अपने दोस्तों और फैमिली से आपको नहीं मिलवाता है.
4. वो पहले से किसी चीज की प्लानिंग नहीं करके रखता है, बल्कि आखिरी समय में सारे प्लान्स बनाता है.
5. डेटिंग के लिए वीकेंड्स पर सबसे ज्यादा समय मिलता है, लेकिन वो वीकेंड्स पर ही आपके साथ नहीं होता.
6. वो इमोशनल नहीं है.
7. वो और भी कई लड़कियों से दोस्ती और बातचीत रखता है.

एक लड़की के लिए शायद यह सबसे ज्यादा तकलीफदेह होता है कि जिस लड़के पर वो अपना समय और अपने इमोशन्स इन्वेस्ट कर रही है, वो रिलेशनशिप को लेकर सीरियस ही नहीं है. ऐसे में लड़की को पता ही नहीं होता कि आखिरकार वो उस लड़के की लाइफ में कहां स्टैंड करती है. मन में बस एक ही उलझन, कि वो पसंद तो करता है लेकिन प्यार और उसके इजहार से बचता फिरता है.

जरूरी नहीं कि ऐसा हमेशा ही देखने को मिले. कई बार कोई लड़का अपने काम के प्रेशर में उलझा होता है, या फिर अपनी एक्स-गर्लफ्रेंड से धोखा खाए होता है. ऐसे केस में भी वो कमिटमेंट से कतराता है. तो ऐसे में लड़के के मन को टटोलिए. शायद वो फिजिकल रिलेशनशिप से भी कुछ ज्यादा एक्सपेक्ट करता हो. उसके साथ इमोशनल बॉन्डिंग के पैंतरे अपनाइये. ऑफिस के टाइम से लेकर खाने पीने तक अपनी फिक्र जताइए.

जब आप अपने समय, अपनी एनर्जी और अपने इमोशन्स किसी लड़के में झोंक चुकी हैं, तो फिर पीछे हट जाना ठीक नहीं. अपनी पसंद के लड़के की जरूरतों को समझिए. और अगर कमिटमेंट का सवाल है, तो आप ही पहल कर दीजिये.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Message for each and every girl who go to college or office alone. If u find any child crying on road showng his/her address and asking you to take him/her to that address, take that child straight away to police station and plz dont take them to that address. It is a new way of a gang to steal, rape & kidnap girls. Plz Forward all girls & also boys who having sisters & friends.

Plz dont feel shy to forward this message..

 Our one message may save a girl.This message is Published by CNN & NDTV. Plz circulate &  forward this message at any cost, Think that ur saving ur lover, sisters, cousin sisters ,mother, wife ..........n....... life.

10-odd-reasons-for-break-up

ब्रेकअप की 10 अजीबोगरीब वजहें..

काव्या और मुकुल. पिछले 5 सालों से साथ थे. हमेशा हंसते गुदगुदाते. दोस्त इनकी रिलेशनशिप की मिसालें देते थे. अचानक कल सुना कि दोनों का ब्रेकअप हो गया. तुरंत मुकुल को फोन किया, वजह पूछी. जवाब मिला कि काव्या नॉन वेजिटेरियन है और मैं प्योर वेजिटेरियन. तो ये रिलेशन लंबा चल नहीं पाएगा. अरे, भला ये क्या वजह हुई? उधर काव्या से बात हुई तो पता चला कि मुकुल की बॉडी से पसीने की बदबू आती है, इसलिए ब्रेकअप कर लिया.

दिमाग तो सही है? वेजिटेरियन और नॉन-वेजिटेरियन की खाने की पसंद अलग-अलग है तो पिछले 5 सालों से कैसे ऐडजस्‍ट कर रहे थे? या किसी की बॉडी में से पसीने की बदबू आती है, ये 5 साल बाद पता चला क्‍या? जरूर वजह कुछ और रही होगी. लेकिन दुनिया के सामने कुछ तो सॉलिड रीजन देना है ना.

ऐसे कई काव्‍या और मुकुल हमारे सोशल सर्कल में हैं. रिलेशनशिप को 4 दिन की चांदनी समझ कर जीते रहें. जब तक ऐडजेस्टमेंट है तब तक खूब 'शोना बेबी', 'क्‍यूट बेबी' चलता है. फिर अचानक अलग होने का फैसला. ऐसा नहीं है कि एक दूसरे से बोर हो जाते हैं. पर हां, अपनी लाइफ में अपने पार्टनर की दखलअंदाजी खलने लगती है. फिर छोटी छोटी बातें इरिटेट करती हैं. फिर कहीं और खुशी तलाशने लगते हैं और ब्रेकअप की अजीबो गरीब वजह ढूंढने लगते हैं.

ज्‍यादा खर्चीला होना: ये आमतौर से लड़कियों पर लागू होता है. लड़के हमेशा ऐसी लड़की पसंद करते हैं जो बचत करती हो. अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड से लेकर बीवी तक वो लड़की में बचत करने की आदत तलाशते हैं. इसलिए अगर आप ज्‍यादा खर्चीली हैं, तो संभल जाइए.

अजीब तरीके से खाना: अगर आप मुंह खोलकर चबड़-चबड़ कर खाते हैं या फिर खाते खाते हाथ गंदे कर लेते हैं, तो सावधान. आपके पार्टनर को अगर सफाई पसंद है, तो वो जल्‍दी ही आपके खिलाफ ब्रेकअप का फरमान जारी कर सकता है या कर सकती है.

चुगली करना: प्‍यार में लोगों का आपस में एक दूसरे के बारे में बात करने और एक दूसरे की तारीफ करने से ही फुर्सत नहीं मिलती. ऐसे में अगर आप दूसरों की चुगली करते हैं, तो ये आपका इम्‍प्रेशन बिगाड़ सकता है.

सोशल मीडिया की आदत: अगर आप हर वक्‍त फेसबुक चैटिंग करते हैं और अपने पार्टनर पर ध्‍यान नहीं देते तो आपका रिश्‍ता आगे खतरे में पड़ सकता है.

इमोशनल अत्‍याचार: ड्रामा क्‍वीन लड़कियां लड़कों को ज्‍यादा नहीं भाती. इसके अलावा अगर आप हर छोटे बड़े काम के लिए पार्टनर को इमोशनली ब्‍लैकमेल करते हैं, तो अपनी आदत सुधार लीजिए.

नाक में उंगली डालने की आदत: आपके पार्टनर को सफाई पसंद है, और आप लगे हैं नाक में उंगली दिए खुजलाने में. फिर गंदगदी से सनी उन्हीं उंगलियों से आप अपने पार्टनर के गाल पकड़कर खींचते हैं, और प्यार से उसका नाम लेते हैं. यकीन मानिए बदले में प्यार नहीं, बल्कि ब्रेकअप मिलेगा.

व्हाट्सऐप का लास्ट सीन: आप अपने पार्टनर के मैसेज का रिप्लाई नहीं कर रहे, लेकिन आप अपने फोन पर एक्टिव हैं ये आपके व्हाट्सऐप मैसेंजर के लास्ट सीन से पता चल जाता है. बस सम‍झए, यहीं से लड़ाई झगड़ा शुरू.

मतलबी स्वभाव: अगर आप सिर्फ अपने बारे में सोचते हैं तो आपका पार्टनर नेग्लेक्ट महसूस करेगा. अपने खाने की पसंद, अपनी पसंद की घूमने की जगह, अपनी बात मनवाने की आदत- ये चीजें आपका रिलेशन बिगाड़ सकती हैं.

अपने एक्स पार्टनर से कॉनटैक्ट: अगर आप अपने एक्स ब्वॉयफ्रेंड या एक्स गर्लफ्रेंड के साथ अभी भी टच में हैं और बात करते हैं, तो उससे आपका पार्टनर इनसिक्योर महसूस करेगा.

आलसी होना: अगर आप किसी भी काम को टालते रहते हैं तो ये भी आपका इम्प्रेशन बिगाड़ सकता है. लड़कियों को चुस्त और एक्टिव लड़के पसंद आते हैं. तो काम तो टालना बंद ही कर दीजिए.

India's Daughter

The Delhi gang rape was an incident that occurred on 16 December 2012 in South Delhi. Jyoti Singh watched "Life of Pi" with a male friend, Awindra Pratap Pandey, after which they boarded a privately run bus to return home. She was assaulted and gang raped on the bus; her friend was also physically assaulted during the incident. Both of them were subsequently thrown from the bus. She received emergency treatment including several surgeries in India and Singapore but died on 29 December 2012 because of the serious nature of the injuries she sustained in the assault.

The incident received widespread media coverage. The incident was condemned, triggering widespread public protest and criticism of the Indian government for not providing enough protection to women. International media covered the incident only after persistent public protests.

Six men were arrested, including a 17-year-old juvenile, and accused as perpetrators of the assaults. One detainee was found dead in his prison cell, as a result of a possible suicide, although his relatives alleged that he had been murdered. The four accused men were found guilty and sentenced to death, whilst the juvenile was given 3 years imprisonment, under the Juvenile Justice Act.

One of the convicted rapists serving life imprisonment, Mukesh Singh, was interviewed for the documentary. He said in the interview "When being raped, she shouldn’t fight back. She should just be silent and allow the rape. Then they’d have dropped her off after ‘doing her’, and only hit the boy." He later added, "A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy … A decent girl won’t roam around at nine o’clock at night … Housework and housekeeping is for girls, not roaming in discos and bars at night doing wrong things, wearing wrong clothes."
A. P. Singh, a defence lawyer in the case, was shown saying, “If my daughter or sister engaged in pre-marital activities and disgraced herself and allowed herself to lose face and character by doing such things, I would most certainly take this sort of sister or daughter to my farmhouse, and in front of my entire family, I would put petrol on her and set her alight.” Asked later if he stood by those comments, he insisted that he did.

A report by the Navbharat Times has suggested that Mukesh Singh was paid ₹40,000 to do the interview. According to the report, initially he had asked for₹200,000, but the amount was negotiated down and the sum was given to his family. However, the film maker denies that Mukesh Singh was paid for the interview.

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